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Last Day
[Misc] Flowers
brookiki
So, today was my last day of actual classes. It's a little bittersweet, honestly. I was down today after class, not necessarily because I'm sad about leaving law school (I'm not), but because....I don't know.

I'll start from the beginning. This is probably going to sound weird, but as I was setting my alarm last night, I decided it would be cool to use the same song I used to wake me up on my first day of law school. It was Make Tomorrow Up and while can't find a video, there's a preview of the song on the Last.fm page. That's probably incredibly sappy, but hey, that's me, right?

Classes were okay. I mean, I really feel like my last day should have been more memorable, but it wasn't. Of course, I was tired and a little out of it, so that might be part of it...

My Criminal Procedure professor did a presentation during lunch called Not the Crime But the Cover-Up: A Deterrence Based Rationale for the Premeditation-Deliberation Formula, which was actually really interesting. He raised some interesting points, including challenging the notion that the most morally heinous crimes are the ones where the murderer has actually contemplated the act. He made two points: 1) Sometimes the fact that the person was deliberating showed conscience rather than coldness and 2) The most morally reprehensible crimes might be the ones where there was no reason, for instance, walking by a child sitting on the bridge and impulsively pushing him off for no reason.

I think I rambled a bit there. Anyway, it was great, but it also raised an interesting point, at least for me. He was saying how he enjoyed researching the article because it combined his interests: law, history, political philosophy, and criminology. That sort of resonated with me because, while I have no interest in teaching law school, i do leave research and I have a lot of varied interests, so that really made me wonder where I'm going, professionally. One thing I've had a problem with throughout law school was that knowledge was a means to an end.... you learn this because you need it to practice. There wasn't a lot of "knowledge for the sake of knowledge." That's been a huge letdown for me, overall.

And I'm rambling again...

After class, I tried to get some stuff printed for finals and for an exit meeting tomorrow. Basically, they want to know all this stuff about how to contact me in six months, my career plans, my bar plans, etc.... Supposedly, it's required. Honestly, I'm not sure I'll want them to be able to find me six minutes after graduation, but it's required. The toner in the printer was messed up, so the middle of the page is blank, so I have to go print out some more stuff tomorrow.

Then I went to the teahouse to study. I really love it there, for a lot of reasons. Mainly because it's a great place to study, the food is good, the tea is amazing, and the people are so nice. For instance, when I told Maki, one of the servers, that I was ready for my check, she was like "You're leaving?" and pretended to cry. And I'd been there for about four hours!

After, I did some shopping, including Barnes and Noble and Petsmart for Alley. Funny story there....

Alley is a little excitable at Petsmart. She likes to jump on people to get attention and the lines were really crowded, so I was worried she'd try to jump on someone. I saw a display of 99 cent tennis balls, so I was like "Oh, I'll use one of these to keep her attention, then I'll buy it at the end." She can catch it, so I was just tossing the ball to her. Well, she dropped it, and tried to get it, but ended up knocking it further way. So I was diving for the ball and had to run behind the poor guy in front of me who was trying to check out, while saying "Sorry sorry sorry sorry!" the whole time. I was also on the phone with Ashley, so I accidentally cut her off. I explained to the cashier that I was trying to keep Alley out of trouble...and instead caused trouble myself. She laughed.

The funniest part came after, when I called Ashley back and explained what happened. There was this long pause while she apparently worked out a mental image of it, followed by hysterical laughter.

So, that's kind of my day. I also did a mass delete of FB apps and I'd like to do a post on that, since I've discussed FB and privacy a lot today. I also bought some GI Joe books....I'm getting into that series again.

Overall, a little bit of musing:

I really am glad I kept a very detailed journal for the first half of law school. I very much regret I didn't keep it as well for the second half. I wish I had worked harder and been more focused on certain things, but that's normal, I suppose. I think part of the reason I'm down is that I would really like to finish something feeling like I worked really hard, did well, earned glory, and just lived up to my potential. But....well, I didn't on this, I think.

That said, when I look back, I've met a lot of amazing people these past three years, not in law school, but here, online. And I know that seems sort of silly, but I don't think I can tell everyone who's been here for me how much I value them. And while I really am a little let down about not really feeling like I did something amazing in law school, I think that the fact that I have several really amazing people in my corner and that somehow you guys see something positive in me....well, that means a lot.

So, I just wanted to thank everyone for helping me get through these past three years. Just having people comment on stuff and offer support and opinions... It was a lot. And I hope that I know all of you for many, many more years and that I'm somehow able to do half as much for you as you've done for me.

I really, really love you guys. (And if you wonder if this is addressed to you, if you cared enough to read past the cut, it probably is. :D)

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I don't know about law school, but when I finished my masters I thought 'So...that's it?' of course, it wasn't it for me because then I decided to engage in more torture

but yeah, I don't know what it is about those last days that can seem so anticlimactic

Yeah, that's where I'm at. I mean, I guess that if I were dead set on getting out there and practicing law, maybe it would feel more like the end of the line. For me, though, I'm just like "Is this where I want to stop academically?" I've toyed with taking some grad courses, maybe for personal amusement (?) and maybe to eventually get a masters in something like English, Poli Sci, or HIstory. I guess, if this makes sense, I feel like I didn't dazzle in law school? I feel like I wasn't able to take the available material out there, assimilate it, and then just sort of work through it and form my own opinion based on that. I did that in undergrad, both in history and English.

In English, I had to do a research paper for North and South and I looked at the material that was out there and was like "You know what? This is totally wrong and I don't agree with any of this, so I'm just going to write my own opinion and cite the sources just to disagree with them." I was terrified I'd fail the paper, but I ended up with a 95 and glowing comments.

Similar in history. I was doing a paper on China, had no idea on what to write, Mulan came on the Disney channel, so I decided to write a paper on that and I ended up writing about how Mulan actually was adhered very closely to Confucian ideals. Same. I got an A from a professor who NEVER gave A's.

And I never had that feeling in law school. I never had the feeling of "Oh, look, I'm really stretching my brain and sharing ideas!" So, I don't know what I'm going to do. As much as I'm excited about doing certain legal things, I wonder if I'll get the kind of mental stimulation I feel like I need working as a lawyer.

I really did love the Pets Mart story. And you're a professional at being sweet.:)

:D

(Deleted comment)
You're right! That icon is awesome!

Now make an LJ post tomorrow. :D

I think this is a lovely post and I'm glad that you learned much from being in law school, whether or not they were things you ended up liking. :) (Hope that makes sense.) Congrats!

Thanks and it makes perfect sense! I think everything you do has the potential to make you better, regardless of whether you like it. The trick is keeping an open enough mind to actually learn from it.

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